Two-thirds
of Engaged Couples Express Negative Attitudes Toward Discussing Money
Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Buffalo Advises Couples to
Talk Before They Walk
Talk Before They Walk
The recent poll
hosted on the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC) website revealed
that 68 percent of respondents held negative attitudes toward discussing money
with their fiancé, with five percent indicating the discussion would cause them
to call off the wedding.
“It is telling
that two people who intend to spend the rest of their lives together would see
a conversation about money as so disconcerting,” said Paul C. Atkinson,
President & CEO of Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Buffalo. “The ability to have open and honest
discussions is key to a successful marriage.
With many brides and grooms walking down the aisle in June, regardless
of how difficult it may be, the conversation about personal finances is one
that should be neither ignored nor postponed.
As a matter of fact, to increase the odds of making ‘happily ever-after’
a reality, the discussion should take place before the ‘I do,’ not after.”
We recommend
the following Do’s and Don’ts for that much-needed financial conversation:
• Don’t spring the conversation on the
other party. Instead, set a time to talk
that is convenient for each.
• Do make it a casual conversation
about a serious subject, respecting the fact that each person has valid
opinions and concerns.
• Do be honest about the current
financial situation. If the courtship
phase of the relationship has painted a financially unrealistic picture, it’s
time to be honest about what the long-term lifestyle will look like.
• Do probe to understand long-held
financial attitudes, often present since childhood and likely ingrained by
observing how parents addressed money issues.
• Do acknowledge that one may be a
saver and one a spender, understanding that there are benefits to both
approaches and agreeing to learn from each other’s tendencies.
• Don’t hide income or debt. This is known as financial infidelity. Instead, in the spirit of openness, bring
financial documents, including a recent credit report, pay stubs, bank
statements, insurance policies, existing debt obligations and investments to
the table.
• Don’t point the finger of blame. That’s a real conversation stopper.
• Do make a plan in advance to deal
with any skeletons that come out of the financial closet. Such surprises can potentially compromise
access to future credit. Now is the time
to deal with surprises.
• Do construct a budget that includes
savings. When just getting started,
money is often tight, making it tempting to delay beginning to save. However, when every cent counts, it is even
more important to have a financial safety net in the form of savings.
• Do decide which person will be
responsible for paying the monthly bills.
It is likely that one spouse will be a good fit for this task, while the
other finds it burdensome.
• Do allow each person to have
independence by setting aside money to be spent at his or her discretion.
• Do decide upon short-term and
long-term goals. It’s appropriate to
have individual goals, but having family goals is important, too.
• Do talk about loaning money to family
members and friends. Decide if it’s
something each is comfortable with, or should be avoided.
• Do talk about caring for aging
parents, and how to appropriately plan for their financial needs, if necessary.
“The fact of
the matter is that people bring financial baggage into a relationship, but
often don’t deal with it until problems arise.
Baggage can come in the form of a poor credit rating, significant debt,
or no experience managing money.
Regardless of the issue, the time to address money differences is up
front, before the financial bottom falls out.
Court records show that financial stress is one of the main causes of
divorce. Taking action now could prevent
a disaster later,” continued Atkinson.
For
professional assistance bringing two incomes, two lifestyles and two financial
attitudes together, or for help in working through financial problems that have
never been addressed, consider an appointment with a certified consumer credit
counselor at our office. Call us at
712-2060 to make an appointment.
The actual poll
question and answer choices are below:
If I were
getting married, I think that discussing money with my fiancé would...
A. Be a necessary, but awkward,
conversation = 45%
B. Likely to lead to a fight, so I would
avoid this topic = 7%
C. Reveal financial issues I wasn’t aware
of = 11%
D. Cause us to call off the wedding =
5%
E. Be a productive and easy conversation to
have = 32%
Note: The
NFCC’s May Financial Literacy Opinion Index was conducted via the homepage of
the NFCC Web site (www.DebtAdvice.org) from May 1 - 31, 2013 and was answered
by 802 individuals.
The National Foundation for Credit
Counseling (NFCC), founded in 1951, is the nation’s largest and longest serving
national nonprofit credit counseling organization. The NFCC’s mission is to
promote the national agenda for financially responsible behavior, and build
capacity for its members to deliver the highest-quality financial education and
counseling services. NFCC Members annually help millions of consumers through
more than 700 community-based offices nationwide. For free and affordable
confidential advice through a reputable NFCC Member, call (800) 388-2227, (en
Español (800) 682-9832) or visit www.nfcc.org.
Visit us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/NFCCDebtAdvice, on Twitter:
twitter.com/NFCCDebtAdvice, on YouTube: www.YouTube.com/NFCC09 and our blog:
http://financialeducation.nfcc.org/.
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